It is normal to feel nervous when chatting with a girl you like for the first time, but if it happens every time, it may be a sign of social anxiety. So how to change this state and start a sweet love? Here are 3 methods:
1. Cognitive Reshaping
First of all, we must know that everything in the world has no fixed meaning.
The so-called meaning is just the recognition we give it, just like when we speak awkwardly on a date with a girl for the first time.
At that time, we might have thought, “This date was a disaster.”
This is the negative meaning given to "stumbling speech" in our cognition, and if this continues, the subsequent dating situation may not go smoothly.
Suppose we step out of our inherent cognition and look at this matter from another angle. We were stumbling when we spoke, but the girl did not laugh at us.
Does this mean that she is not disgusted when she sees our embarrassment? Not only does she not dislike us, but she has a favorable impression of us.
We give "stumbling speech" a positive meaning. When the conversation becomes interesting, the conversation will naturally continue, and our mouths will change from Liu Neng to Liu Xiang.
If this doesn’t work, we can set the date place in an environment that we are familiar with.
For example, familiar restaurants, cinemas, and hotels.
2. Don’t have double standards
When it comes to double standards, no one can compare to those with social anxiety. Be lenient about everything except yourself.
For example, for not replying to messages, it may not be our fault.
But we always presuppose in advance that she is not interested in us, and then all her feedback, whether she is interested in us or not, is regarded as not interesting in our eyes.
I remember that when I was in college, I had no experience in dating, but I liked a goddess very much, and we had a good relationship.
But I always felt that I was not good enough for her, so the relationship was at a stalemate.
It wasn’t until she got a boyfriend later that she said to me while drinking: “You know what? I actually liked you.”
I felt like crying at that time, because My own avoidance has made me miss someone I really like.
So, I don’t want you to miss anything because of your own opinion.
3. Face your fears
The last and most important one is to list the things you fear. , for example, talking to strangers, asking a girl you like out, speaking in public, etc.
We canThey are small goals to be accomplished bit by bit. This is what psychology calls exposure therapy, because the best way to resolve fear is to face the fear itself.
When we have enough courage to face it, all problems will be solved. I know that we obviously want to be loved, but we are just too sensitive or have failed in the past and do not believe that we will love sincerely.
But the significance of overcoming social anxiety is not just to gain more love, but to become a better person. I also hope that we have enough confidence to tell others that we just don't like to socialize, but it doesn't mean we can't. Of course, when we have enough confidence, flowers will bloom and people who love you will always be there.
