All marriage tragedies have an aura filled with negative emotions. Anger, disappointment, boredom, complaints, irritability...
When emotions can be expressed when they occur, the attack power may be smaller. And there may be a kind of person in our lives who doesn't express anger very much and has a pleaser personality. He can get along well with many people around him, but his intimate relationships are in a mess.
Feeling angry or having other negative emotions when an unfavorable thing happens is something that every normal person will encounter. Some people choose to release it immediately, while some people choose to suppress it temporarily, and then they will accumulate their emotions to a certain extent until they can no longer be accumulated and release them in a very strong way.
For example, if someone kicks you, you are obviously very angry but pretend to be fine,
The next day, I kicked you again, and you were even more angry than yesterday.
On the third day, the third day, the fourth day, and the fifth day, you held it back, but in fact You have been accumulating angry emotions for five days and entered the exponential growth mode.
On the fourth day, you finally couldn't bear it anymore, so you took the knife and killed the person who kicked you. Because too much emotion accumulates, it becomes a vent.
If you release your emotions and kick back in return on the first day, maybe that person won’t dare to kick again the next day.
I endured my emotions for five days and did something because I needed to vent. It didn’t match the matter itself, or in other words, the dose was too high. In fact, the other party kicks you five times, you kill the other party, and the emotions and things are over.
This kind of thing often happens to people who like to have a backlog of emotions.
As for the backlog of emotions, if it happens to some friends who have not been in close contact with each other and have not met much, it may be over and over. The person who vents the buried emotions may be an innocent person or object. .
As for intimate relationships, they face each other day and night, and the contact is deep. Naturally, there are many things that can easily cause dissatisfaction, but because you don’t want to hurt The other party just endures it, so the other party doesn't know that doing that thing will make you dissatisfied, so he will continue to do it, so you have to endure it harder and harder.
Finally one day it explodes, and the other party doesn’t understand it anymore, and will think that you are emotionally unstable and hysterical, “I just did such a small thing, are you okay with it?” Who knows that this is the inevitable result of having tolerated it for a long time. result.
What will happen if there is a backlog of emotions in marriage?
Many people will say that you must control your emotions and know how to manage your own emotions, so there are many books and many people I tried to make you tolerate it by trying to manage your emotions and improve your emotional intelligence, but the more you tolerated it, the more things went wrong, and in the end your temper returned.Yes, it's bigger than before.
If you think about it, emotions are also energy. According to the law of conservation of energy, how can energy disappear out of thin air? There must be a way to transfer it. Otherwise, just pile them up and move them.
In marriages, many people fight over trivial matters and even get divorced. Why? Or is it because of the emotional backlog caused by unresolved trivial matters? Fear of losing the other person, fear of losing image in the other person's eyes, or more fundamentally, no sense of boundaries.
Emotions are not good or bad, but the negative emotions that arise in modern times will affect one's own life, so they are not welcomed by everyone. The way to control emotions should never be tolerance. Life is short, why bother with yourself? I can't bear to punish myself for the mistakes of others.
Find out the source of your emotions - your true inner needs are not being met, and then find a way, muster up the courage, and work hard to meet your needs. Where do negative emotions come from?
Only by managing your emotions well can you maintain a stable marriage.
