Many couples feel very sweet before confirming their relationship and wish they could get tired of being together every day. But after confirming their relationship, they find that the other party has suddenly become cold. What should we do in this situation?
1. When are people willing to take the initiative
There is a famous experiment in psychology: operant conditioning.
Psychologist Skinner put a very hungry mouse into a box with a button. Every time the button was pressed, food would drop. Later, it gradually decreased to a probability of dropping food when the button is pressed every 1 minute.
At first the mice learned to press the button. After a while, the mice learned to press the button at regular intervals.
This experiment means: If you treat the subject as a teacher and reward the other party as long as he can complete the task, then this person will keep doing it.
In fact, the design of many games makes use of the principle of operant conditioning. There will be many tasks during the game. Every time the player completes a small task, he or she can receive gold coins or equipment as a reward.
Returning to the intimate relationship, if you want your relationship to be stable and not cold for a long time, you must first know what the other person needs, and then give the other person the rewards they want after they complete certain things.
In fact, it is more important to spend time understanding the other person’s inner needs than letting the other person take the initiative.
It is mentioned in "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" that in relationships, what women need is understanding, companionship, care, and love. What men need is women's trust, understanding, encouragement, and appreciation, not transformation, advice, and criticism.
2. How to make the other party take the initiative to pay for you
If you want to make the other party no longer cold, then You have to learn to let the other party take the initiative to pay for you, and this requires you to set reasonable goals, just like we let the monkey pick bananas.
If the banana is too tall, it can’t reach it, and it may give up after trying several times without success; if the banana is too short, it can get it without any effort, and it may pass. After a while, it becomes boring.
Therefore, the banana should be placed in a reasonable position so that the monkey will maintain interest and continue playing.
In our intimate relationships, we must also set tasks and goals in reasonable positions.
For example: Your girlfriend asks you what gift you want. When choosing a gift, you should control the price at a reasonable position. It should neither exceed his ability to pay nor make her feel too cheap. .
After you receive the gift, you should also express it and give her a positive feedback. You can give her a similar gift, or you can give it to the right person.Give the other person a hug or say a few compliments.
In fact, it’s not that some couples don’t want to give, but they don’t know how to take the initiative.
At this time, lovers need to communicate regularly and express their inner hidden needs.
Couples can take 10 minutes a day to exchange their inner thoughts with each other and increase their understanding of each other. The time can be 10 minutes before going to bed or 10 minutes after meals.
If you really don’t have time, you can use the weekend to chat about your thoughts.
If your significant other doesn’t take the initiative towards you, it may not be that he no longer loves you, or that he is no longer interested in you, but that he doesn’t know how to express it to you.
Love is mutual. Only when two people work together and come and go, will a virtuous circle be formed, and your relationship will get better and better.
