When a couple is in love, both parties always have endless things to talk about and wish they could stay together all the time. However, as the novelty wears off, the relationship will gradually become dull, making both parties begin to wonder whether the other party is the real one. You make the right choice. This is actually the running-in period of your relationship.
When many people encounter the running-in period, one of the most common questions they ask themselves is, "Are we running-in, or are we really not suitable?"
About This can be judged from these two perspectives:
One: Whether it is a fatal shortcoming
The first angle is whether his shortcomings have exceeded your bottom line.
Many couples break up just because of some small things, such as different schedules, snoring while sleeping, or even whether to lift the toilet seat, but to be honest, these problems, It's not a bottom line issue.
But things like domestic violence, habitual cheating, control freaks, and drug addiction are all bottom-line problems that will have a dangerous impact on your life and must not be accepted. People with these problems should stay away forever. is the best way.
When you clarify your own bottom line and your acceptance of some behaviors that do not cross the bottom line, you can more clearly realize whether there is still room and necessity for effort in this relationship.
Two: Do ??you have a common goal?
The second point is whether you are willing to work together.
Love is a pas de deux. A relationship in which one person studies hard while the other person watches indifferently is destined to not have good results.
If there are no issues of principle between you, but there is always one party who is unwilling to change the status quo and just wants to get by, then you will never get through this running-in period.
During the running-in stage, you may not like anything about the other person, because you have outgrown the illusion of over-beautification of the other person.
As the time you spend together increases, your expectations and requirements for each other also increase. "Why is he so straight, why is he so ignorant? What kind of stupid gift are you giving me?"
You begin to expect the other person to meet all your needs, but this is impossible.
Three: The way out of the running-in period
The first step is to re-cultivate love.
Conflicts increase during the running-in period, not only because the truer self is exposed more and more, but also because of the gradual loss of freshness. At this time, you can consciously cultivate some small habits and regain them. That love.
For example, a hug before going out, a goodnight kiss before going to bed, or talking to each otherWhen communicating, praise first and then offer different opinions. People are more likely to accept different opinions when they are recognized.
Four: Avoid cold war during the running-in period
The second step is to deal with conflicts head-on.
This does not mean that you should quarrel with the other party directly, but that you should learn to stay in conflict for a long time, and would rather quarrel than have a cold war.
During the Cold War, it is easy for two people to overthink and vilify each other in their hearts, elevating all issues to the level of whether the other party loves or not. At this time, there seems to be no conflict, but in fact there is a contradiction. It has already deteriorated.
Five: Action guide for the running-in period
Running-in period: The best way is to express yourself first Feel.
Describe how you felt after the quarrel, whether it was grievance or anger, dissatisfaction or insecurity. The more detailed your description, the more empathy and guilt you can arouse in the other party.
Of course, describing your feelings doesn’t hurt. During this process, you also need to ask the other person how they feel. Sharing feelings can make you more clear about each other’s affection.
After understanding each other’s feelings, the next step is to state the facts and take turns describing the conflict with your partner. Instead of blaming the other person, focus on yourself.
At this time, you will find that the facts in your mouth are completely different from the facts in the other person's mouth. Then you can give some positive feedback, such as, no wonder you are so angry, I understand now.
In fact, most couples who break up during the running-in period are not not in love, but love in the wrong way. They always put themselves first. The process of running-in is, to put it bluntly, the collision of your two old worlds.
The process of slowly integrating into a new world will certainly be painful, but after the pain, you will also find the most comfortable and suitable small world for you.
