First of all, let’s talk about the conclusion: There is no way to completely resolve the quarrel between husband and wife. No matter how good the relationship is between couples, conflicts and conflicts will inevitably break out. But if you can adjust your way of thinking, it may be the most effective way to reduce quarrels between couples. Next, I will share these three ways of thinking to adjust my mentality, hoping to help everyone.
What’s the best way to resolve a couple’s quarrel
1. Don’t project negative emotions onto the quarrel
After a quarrel, I realized something special Important thing: Many times, it’s not me fighting with my partner, but me fighting with the negative emotions I project.
For example, one time when I was cleaning up my room at night, I found a piece of clothing that had been worn for a long time and was wrinkled and unfit. I wanted to throw it away. But at this time, my wife grabbed it and said, "Why are you throwing it away? Can't you just wear it casually at home? Isn't it a little too big? It's loose."
My whole mood suddenly changed. Get up: Why are you so picky? I just want to throw away these clothes that don’t fit. What’s wrong? I can’t make my own decisions about my own clothes? As a result, we had a big fight over this matter and ended up not talking for several days.
Actually, if you think about it carefully, the fact that I was so excited at the time had little to do with what my wife had done, but because of the negative emotions I projected onto this matter——
I was very tired from work during that time, so when I found out that my wife couldn’t even throw away an old piece of clothing, I would be particularly irritated, thinking that I worked so hard to make money, why would I force myself to wear something basic? Unsuitable old clothes;
Moreover, the room was very messy at that time, and I was not in a good mood, so when my plan to tidy up by throwing away the old clothes was disrupted, I I will be particularly irritable;
Therefore, I am not arguing with my wife, I am fighting against the negative emotions I project. After realizing this, whenever I feel like quarreling, I would calm down and think about it: Is it because of this conflict between us, or is it just my negative emotions causing trouble?
2. There is no point in arguing about right and wrong
Whenever I feel like we are going to quarrel, I She would tell me: She was not discussing right and wrong with me. In fact, if you think about it, many times we quarrel because we are desperately trying to verify one thing with each other: what I said is right, and what you think is wrong.
But in fact, how can there be so many right and wrong in relationships? What's more, sometimes, the so-called right and wrong are just from our own perspective.
Many times the feedback from the other party to us is not to say "you are wrong", but to tell us"If you do this, it will make me feel unhappy" - For example, when I play games without chatting with her, her expression of dissatisfaction is not accusing me of playing games, which is wrong, and I don't need to. Filled with righteous indignation, he tried to prove that "I want to play games for granted."
If we can realize that getting along with each other is not to argue who is right or wrong, but to realize that our behavior will make the other person unhappy and uncomfortable, then maybe we will be more calm and treat the other person better. Half of the feedback information will not carry such strong rejection opinions.
3. Quarrel does not solve the problem
Finally, every time we encounter conflicts and disputes, Sometimes, I will repeatedly warn myself: don't worry, don't expect this problem to be solved by quarreling.
It is normal to have problems, conflicts, and conflicts. The reason why we often have such huge negative emotions with each other is because we are too anxious and want to solve the problem through quarreling.
But in fact, the other party has lived this way of life and rhythm for so long, how could it be possible for him to change all of a sudden?
The more anxious we are to solve the problem once and for all, the more impatient we will be, the more aggressive our words will be, and the harsher this message will be when it reaches the other person’s ears. , so the more noisy and fiercer it became.
Therefore, do not rush to solve the problem, face the friction between each other with a mentality of discussion and communication, and slowly resolve the differences between two people, which can greatly reduce the possibility of quarrels.
Above, these are the three ways of thinking that I adjusted when I had a quarrel. Indeed, in practical application, they reduced the relationship between me and How often your wife quarrels. I also hope that these ways of thinking can help you better coordinate the relationship between you.
