I think no one wants to meet a partner who habitually avoids, because it is too tiring to get along with this type of person, and there is no way to solve the problem. So what should we do if by chance we meet each other? What? Today, the editor will share 2 methods for you to deal with it easily! Come and learn now.
1. Try to describe his or her feelings for him or her
People who cannot express themselves well are lacking In fact, it is not the way to express it, but to see your true feelings.
When facing the people closest to you, you will be afraid of repeating the harm of your family of origin, and subconsciously activate your defense system to suppress your truest feelings and not express them, which is the safest.
In fact, they also long for a way to describe their feelings for them, which is to convey a message to them: "I understand your emotions, but I still choose to accept them, I love you, you Don’t worry I’ll hurt you”.
For example, when he or she feels wronged, tell him/her, "I can feel it. You feel wronged. Are you willing to tell me what happened?"
When he/she is angry, Use a descriptive and tolerant approach and say to him or her, "Are you angry again? Don't be angry, let's go eat." After that, the atmosphere will be just right, and then ask him or her what's wrong.
2. Guide the TA to engage in deep self-exposure
Research shows that in an intimate relationship, two people The deeper the individual's self-disclosure, the more intimate the relationship.
The key to guiding a cold-violent person to engage in deep self-exposure and letting him or her take the initiative to reveal his or her trauma is not to make it too formal or too deliberate. If the person is too deliberate, he or she will feel that you are spying on him or her. Put up a line of defense immediately. On the contrary, naturally digging deeply from daily conversations, and after digging deeply, giving satisfaction or positive comfort can achieve the effect of moisturizing things silently.
For example, if you are chatting with your partner about returning home during the New Year, you can ask, "What delicious food will your mother make for you when you get home?" But don't say, "Is your mother treating you badly?"
If she answers: "She won't specially cook anything for me"
You can accept this shortcoming and ask: "Then what do you want to eat most? I will cook it for you." ”
A simple positive feedback behavior completes the closed loop.
And often, the most profound feelings come from such simple satisfaction.
At the same time, I do not recommend trying the following parts:
1. Invest too much and pay for things that he does not want.
2. The posture is too humble.
3. Always try to figure out what he or she is thinking.
We always say that the best way to run a relationship isSacrifice is taboo, but the fact is that behind most of the awkward and unrealistic love are self-motivated giving and requesting in the name of love.
In other words, those who can be influenced to lose themselves are not strong enough. At this time, it is more important to manage their own lives well, go to school, work, and meet people. See the bigger world and improve your own knowledge. Then, you can love others as you like.
